Love Pt. 3: Sexuality and Morals

[NOTE: This is intended to be read as the third post in a series of three. Please click here to read Part 1 and Part 2. Also, it would be remiss of me to present this particular perspective on human sexuality as the only one among Catholic theologians. This is influenced by John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, which I personally believe contains much beauty and truth, but there is a great deal of other theological scholarship on this topic. If this is an area that has kept you away from the Catholic Church, I would implore you to please read more for yourself, and seek out the vast Catholic scholarship on the topic. It doesn’t change the ultimate teaching, but differing perspectives can be a very good thing.]


Have you ever been wounded by the Catholic Church? Have you ever been disgusted by the seeming hypocrisy of many Christians? Have you ever been angry at God?

I have. I would imagine most, if not all of you reading this have as well.

This topic was very intentionally selected to be the last addressed in this series. I think the Church, or at least many of its members, are unfortunately often guilty of proclaiming all the moral teachings before we’ve built a firm foundation of love. It’s very difficult to accept the ‘what’ without first understanding the ‘why’. And sometimes even the ‘why’ doesn’t seem satisfactory. This is a significant part of what kept me from actually taking Christianity seriously for so many years. I grew up being drilled with all the rules and teachings without an understanding of why they existed. Think about this for a moment – usually, we are only bitter about laws when we desire to break them, but we are much more likely to want to break them if we believe there’s no good reason for their existence in the first place. As Michael Gormley (a well known Catholic speaker) so intelligently observed, “when we remove Christ from the centre of the [culture, teachings, etc.], but we still have elements of Christianity left over, we’re pointing out the woundedness but we don’t have anyone to heal the wounds”. This is the state of the culture in North America. It is only when God is in the picture, and we are able to recognize His love for us and who He created us to be as human people, that we can come to deeper understanding of the moral teachings of the Church.

As Saint Paul wrote to the Corinthians:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a ringing gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have absolute faith so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and exult in the surrender of my body, but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

Love is the foundation upon which everything must be built, the spring from which everything else must flow forth.

Before I go any further – even if it’s not worth much coming from one person – I want to apologize, on behalf of all Christians, to anyone who has been wounded by the teachings of Christ communicated in a far-from-loving way, in particular members of the LGBTQ+ community and those who have gone through divorce. I am so very sorry for all the ways members of the Catholic Church and the Christian faithful – through our actions or language – may have caused you pain in the past, and for the ways you may have felt shunned, disrespected, unwanted or rejected because of your lifestyle choices or desires. To anyone who has been persecuted or harassed by those who have failed to communicate Christ’s true message, I’m sorry. If we have failed, first and above-all in loving you, we have failed at our primary mission as followers of Christ, who is Love.

This does not mean I am advocating that all Christians simply become cheerleaders, encouraging those around us to do whatever they want, simply because they think it best. We must love each other, and that is not real love. This is why I despise the expression, “you do you”. What happens when ‘you doing you’ results in death, not just physically but emotionally or spiritually? Shouldn’t we care about each other enough to want and be willing to do something to help, if we believe the path someone is choosing leads to self-destruction and a great deal of pain? Even if it won’t necessarily lead to pain and destruction, if we know of an even deeper joy and an even greater fullness of life, should we not care about each other enough to at least do our best to share that?

Our modern world has a very distorted notion of the meaning of the human body and the purpose of sexuality. Just look at the artwork depicting the body in the past hundred years compared with more historical artistic depictions (ancient Greek sculpture, ancient Egyptian and Chinese paintings, works of Michelangelo and Bernini, paintings of the Renaissance, among others). There is also a pervasive idea that body and soul are separate, that our bodies really aren’t ‘us’ in the same way that our soul is, so what we do with it doesn’t actually matter – particularly in the realm of sexuality. When stated outright, we may claim not to believe this, but so many of the actions taking place in our post-sexual revolution culture indicate otherwise. There must be harmony between our body and our soul because who we are as individuals is equally both, and what is good or bad for our body is also good or bad for our soul. They are inextricably linked.

This is why the information unfurled in John Paul II’s writings on the Theology of the Body are so powerful and needed, particularly at this time. It seeks to restore an understanding of the meaning of the human body, intended from the beginning. As stated in the introduction to Man and Woman He Created Them, the “[T]heology of the Body is not primarily an admonition to follow the law of the body, but a persuasive proclamation of the gospel of the body”, and it is good news. It will certainly take work to understand and implement in our lives, but the ‘law’ of the body comes naturally once an understanding of the body is reached.

In the beginning, humanity was made male and female. Each sex has a very particular purpose, communicated through the form and function of the body. Just as our ears were made to hear, our tongue to taste, and our heart to pump blood, our genitals exist primarily to generate. Their primary function is to bring forth new life. Gender means the manner by which you generate. This is not to ignore the pleasure that comes from sex, but the purpose of sexual pleasure for humanity is that it gives us a “little glimmer” of the joy of Trinitarian love. We are not simply animals – sexual pleasure for humans is not just to procreate. As Christopher West says, “God did not need to dangle a carrot in front of us to get us to procreate“. This obviously does not mean that sexual activity is our ultimate fulfillment, but God has chosen to give us a glimpse into the experience of His own infinite love through human sexual union, and that is beautiful.

Due to the pervasiveness of sex in our modern culture, homosexuality and same-sex topics are constantly brought up in the media, particularly in conversations about Christian moral teaching, forcing the Church and faithful Christians to repeatedly address the topic, seemingly indicating condemnation of the lifestyles lived among members of the LGBTQ+ as one of the primary messages of our faith. I think this is painting a very skewed image of who Christ is and what the true teachings of the Catholic Church are. Yes, the Church declares the reality of sin and sees certain lifestyle choices as sinful, but sexual desire for someone of the same sex is just one of a whole myriad of potentially destructive desires possible within each of us. It is just one tendency to sin among many. (Please see my previous two posts exploring the purpose of sex, according to Christian teaching, to better understand why certain acts may be a distortion of this gift.)

We all experience potentially problematic desires. They may lead to a great deal of pleasure in the moment, but if followed through too their end, they will never lead us to true, long-lasting fulfillment or thriving. If we cannot say no to our desires, no matter what they may be, sexual or otherwise, that is not freedom. It is slavery.

I want to make it clear when I say that myself, or anyone else, has problematic desires, I am not saying that myself or anyone else, in themselves, is problematic. This is a very important distinction. Our desires and emotions do not define who we are. Because of our fallen state, there is a tendency to sexual disorder within each of us, the question is whether we choose to act on it or not. We must understand the worth and value we possess simply because we exist, and the radiant beauty of our own soul, so we can come to recognize the worth, dignity, and beauty of others, and then to respect and love each other, willing the greatest good.

Though certain sexual acts may, technically, vary in their degrees of disorder, that is not my point here. For the purposes of this post, I am talking about sin as the great equalizer. We all sin, each and every one of us, every day, and we are all in need of redemption, whether we’ve personally come to that realization or not. But that is why Jesus came! That is why the gospel is called the “good news”, because in the moment we realize and recognize or sin and brokenness and our need for redemption, in the same moment we can then realize, with profound relief and gratitude, that God knew this long ago and provided the redemption we so desperately needed through the sacrifice of Himself. This is a God who submitted Himself to the worst suffering possible out of love for us because of His desperate longing and desire for each of us, regardless of our life choices or past mistakes. God feels eros for us. The Creator of the universe has an infinite longing for you. He came so He could spend ETERNITY with YOU.

In the ocean of God’s mercy, sin loses its uniqueness. No matter the depth or breadth of sin, the Father’s mercy is more than enough to cover it, to wipe it away and restore brokenness to beauty. It is only in acknowledgment of our brokenness and need that we touch the depths of God, where we find unending love and mercy. This takes humility. We must come to see clearly who we truly are to know who God truly is, and what that actually means for us. What good, good news that is.

Before [God’s] gaze all falsehood melts away… All that we build during our lives can prove to be mere straw, pure bluster and it collapses. Yet in the pain of this encounter, when the impurity and sickness of our lives become evident to us, there lies salvation.

– Benedict XVI, Spe Salvi

This is the truth the Saints knew so well. It wasn’t that they were perfect human beings, never making mistakes or hurting others. It was their total awareness of their sin and weakness that allowed them to be such exceptional vessels of God’s love.

Disagreement with someone’s life choices does not mean we can’t still have friendship, communion and love. That seems to be a pervasive idea within our current culture, that if we disagree fundamentally on issues of morality or religious beliefs we must divide and good relationships can’t exist between us. That is absolutely false, and becomes a failed opportunity to stretch our capacities for love, and to foster diverse and open-minded community. Disagreement is not synonymous with hatred or dislike. We have to stop slapping on labels for other people and sticking them in boxes based on pre-conceived notions which have little or no basis in fact, without getting to know them at all. While I may not respect a choice or action itself, I will always, by the grace of God, respect the person who made it.

My dear brothers and sisters, if you have ever experienced or do experience same-sex desires, if you have ever felt out of place within your own body, if you consider yourself gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, transgender, genderfluid or anything else, know first and foremost that you are loved by the Church (even if we have failed abismaly in the past at demonstrating this), and that your chosen lifestyle, whatever it may be, does not at all detract from the beauty and dignity I recognize in you. I see you first and foremost as my brother or sister and a beloved child of the heavenly King. I desire your greatest good. I want to know you, to walk with you, to hear you and spend time with you. I do not view you as a project or an object in need of fixing. I look at you as I seek to look at all others: through the eyes of Jesus. You are a potential saint.

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As discussed in the first post in this series, God is Love, equally eros and agape – self-sacrificial and desirous. He is the Life-giver, as He desires that all of humanity be unified with Him for eternity in His life-giving, Trinitarian love. As Pope Benedict XVI wrote so beautifully in his encyclical letter Deus Caritas Est:

God is the absolute and ultimate source of all being; but this universal principle of creation—the Logos, primordial reason—is at the same time a lover with all the passion of a true love. Eros is thus supremely ennobled, yet at the same time it is so purified as to become one with agape.

The greatest expression of the unitive, life-giving love of the Trinity is marriage and the family. That is why Catholic Christians so fiercely proclaim the truth of what marriage actually is, because any deformation or distortion of it distorts the image of God’s love. The meaning and value of sex is inherent to the act itself, regardless of how we may feel about it. This means that any sexual act which deviates from its true purpose is a distortion and a disordered desire, no matter the sexual orientation of the person. But it is important to note, as Christopher West says, that “the ultimate orientation of human sexuality is towards something infinite, something eternal”.

“We talk about different ‘sexual orientations’ in human life,” says Lorenzo Albacete, a physicist turned Catholic priest and a beloved professor of mine. “But the ultimate orientation of human sexuality is the human heart’s yearning for infinity. Human sexuality, therefore, is a sign of eternity.” This means sex is not just about sex. As we learn to “read” the story our bodies tell as male and female, we discover that sex is meant to point the way to the ultimate fulfillment of our every desire.

Christopher West

That ultimate fulfillment is God.


By the way, if you’re curious who Christopher West is, since he’s been quoted several times in these posts, you can find out more about him here. He is one of the world’s most prominent teachers of Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, and is a renound speaker and authour.

Love Pt. 2: Human Life and the Theology of the Body

You are very good.

In case no one has ever told you that, I want you to know. No matter what your life experience has been, where you come from, what you’ve done or what has been done to you, what your disabilities are, what you believe, who you support, or who you love – you are very, very good. There is no one else who can fill your particular place in the world, no one who has been given the unique set of gifts and quirks you’ve been given, no one who can love in the uniquely personal way you can, and I am glad that you exist. Even if we’ve never met or if we have and you don’t like me, I am glad you are here on this earth.

God said, ‘Let us make man in our own image, in the likeness of ourselves, and let them be masters of the fish of the sea, the birds of heaven, the cattle, all the wild beasts and all the reptiles that crawl upon the earth’. God created man in the image of himself, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them… God saw all he had made, and indeed it was very good.

– Genesis 1:26-27, 31

John Paul II in his writings on the Theology of the Body (TOB), points out this passage from Genesis and dives into its profound depths. He examines this part in particular: “God created man in the image of himself, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them”. Here in Genesis, man in the beginning is referred to as both male and female. “It is further significant that the first man (’āḏām), created from the ‘dust of the ground,’ is defined as ‘male’ (’îš) only after the creation of the first woman” (TOB, General Audience, October 10, 1979). So, in the beginning, in a very real if mystical way, man (male and female) was profoundly unified in God. This is the totality of the union we were created for. This is the destiny which awaites us in eternity. We were always meant to be one in Him.

Please, follow with me here. I know this may sound a little far out for those not familiar with TOB, but I promise you, there is powerful truth and radiant beauty here, if only we could be given the eyes to see it.

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“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” – Matthew 5:8

As I mentioned last week, God is a union of Persons – Father, Son and Spirit. He desires to bring us into this unity, into Himself, but He also desires that we may be unified with one another, in communion as one Body. Just listen to the words of Jesus from the Gospel of John:

May they all be one. Father, may they be one in us, as you are in me and I am in you, so that the world may believe it was you who sent me. I have given them the glory you gave me, that they may be one as we are one. With me in them and you in me, may they be so completely one that the world will realise that it was you who sent me and that I have loved them as much as you loved me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, so that they may always see the glory you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world. (John 17:21-24)

We were created in His image. In His image – His loving, unified image. Read that passage again. See how much he loves you!

The redemption of the body is closely connected with “the spousal meaning of the body.” In fact, the definitive redemption of the body is nothing other than the final and glorious realization of the spousal meaning of the body in the resurrection and beatific vision (see TOB 67–68). From the very beginning, the spousal meaning of the body is “sacramental.” It is a sign that manifests and communicates holiness (see TOB 19:3–6). It signifies the covenant between God and his people, between Christ and the Church, and ultimately the mystery of mysteries, namely, the communion between the divine Persons in the Trinity.

– John Paul II, Theology of the Body

God wants to wed humanity, to marry us, to consummate His love and be united to us for all eternity. This is why you were created. This is why, in Revelation, heaven is referred to as the wedding feast or marriage supper of the Lamb. It is an eternal celebration of this consummation, the marriage between Christ and His Bride, the Church. If you have been baptised into the Christian family (and for those who haven’t, we are waiting to welcome you with open arms), then you are this Church. She is made up of human persons, each destined for eternal union with Christ, the Bridegroom.

Now, let me clarify something before misconceptions arise. God is not a sexual being. When I talk about spousal union in the context of His relationship with us, I am not referring to a sexual union. When male and female unite in marriage as human persons, they are a sign of the spousal, generative love of the Trinity, but as Christopher West often says, human marriage, as beautiful and life-giving as it can be, only gives us “a little, little glimmer” of the union awaiting us in heaven. This union we will experience is infinitely deeper and more complete than human marriage. This is the great beauty and hope witnessed to us by those who have consecrated themselves totally to God here on earth through vows of celibacy or perpetual virginity – either in the priesthood, religious life, or the single life. These people are signs of this heavenly union awaiting us.

Both married and celibate life are two equal yet different signs of the love of God. This brings up the point I mentioned last week about the difference between chastity and celibacy. Those consecrated to God live out the virtue of chastity through celibacy, but we are all called to live chaste lives, that is, rightly ordered sexuality, whether married or not.

Everyone, regardless of his or her state in life, is called to the virtue of chastity. How many of us have heard admonitions to remain chaste until marriage? This, of course, is to equate chastity with abstinence. If we remain here, we will end with a terribly stilted and dangerously misguided understanding of chastity, not to mention marriage. This misguided understanding of chastity is dangerous because it sets up a very legalistic paradigm of repression and indulgence without training us in the ways of self-mastery and self-giving. Be chaste until marriage translates: I need to ‘cage’ the unicorn (eros) for now, but once I’m married I’m ‘allowed’ to open the cage. If this is our approach to chastity, get ready to be gored.

– Christopher West, Fill These Hearts (p. 134)

We must correct these misguided understandings which have wounded so many, so deeply.

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I don’t know if any of you have ever shared this frustration, but for a long time I was extremely annoyed/upset by the scripture passage where Jesus states that, “at the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30). What if I would rather be married than be like the angels?

I never understood the point of forming deep relationships here on earth, especially at the depth required in marriage, if we are all just going to love each other equally, as family, in heaven. But this line of thought was based on the assumption that the spousal love in marriage would somehow be lessened in heaven, to become equal to all other human relationships. This really didn’t make sense to me. Why would God, who, throughout scripture, is such an advocate for marriage – the union between one man and one woman in their totality of personhood – encourage the exclusivity and incredible commitment and effort of such a relationship in our earthly life, and then take it away as soon as we die? How could that be a good thing? It wasn’t until I heard Bishop Barron respond to a question about precisely this issue on one of the Word on Fire podcast episodes, that I finally heard an explanation that dispelled my former confusion/frustration:

“[In heaven] we will be connected with everybody in such an intense way that the exclusivity involved in marriage here below will not obtain there… but it doesn’t mean it’s anything less than you experience now. It’s more. It’s greater. You will of course know your [spouse] in this very intense way, but the institution of marriage which exists here below, with all its exclusivity… that will not obtain in the same way in heaven because something much greater will be the case.” (Bishop Robert Barron)

In other words,  not only will the relationships between husband and wife be deepened in heaven, but all other relationships will be raised and far surpass the intensity of earthly marriage. In heaven, you will know and love every person even more deeply, intimately and passionately than you now know and love your spouse. This is a spiritual union, the depths of which we can barely catch a glimpse of in this life.

In the divine homeland, souls are completely united to God. They are nourished by the vision of him. Souls are completely taken by their love for God in absolute delight. There is a great silence because souls have no need for words in order to be united to God… Nothin exists except the unique heart-to-heart with God. The embrace of souls and God is eternal. Heaven is the heart of God… Paradise is like a huge burning bush that is never consumed, however forcefully the love that burns spreads. There above, love burns with an innocent flame, with a pure desire to love infinitely and to plunge into the intimate depth of the Trinity.

– Robert Cardinal Sarah, The Power of Silence

Heaven is not a physical place, as it is so often referred to, but rather a state of being – a state of total union with God, and through Him, with one another. As the Catechism states, “This perfect life with the Most Holy Trinity… is called ‘heaven.’ Heaven is the ultimate end and fulfillment of the deepest human longings, the state of supreme, definitive happiness” (CCC 1024). Cardinal Sarah puts it beautifully when he says, “Heaven is the heart of God“. How we reach this state in the physicality of our bodies is part of the mystery of eternity, but when we reach this eternal union, there is absolutely nothing – no power above or below – that can separate us from this burning love of God. If we know this, it is much easier to understand the existence of hell. Like heaven, it is not a physical place, but a state of complete separation from God – a result of our rejection of Him. God, who is Love itself, will never force Himself on anyone, but instead constantly invites us into His love. It is up to us to listen and respond. We choose, through our own free will, our state for all eternity – with or without Him.

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One can say that Genesis 2:23-25 speaks about the first feast of humanity, as it were, in the whole original fullness of the experience of the spousal meaning of the body: and it is a feast of humanity that draws its origin from the divine sources of Truth and Love in the very mystery of creation. And although over this feast the horizon of sin and death… was very soon to be extended, nevertheless, we draw a first hope already from the mystery of creation: namely, that the fruit of the divine economy of truth and love, which revealed itself “at the beginning,” is not Death, but Life, and not so much the destruction of the body of man made “in the image of God,” but rather the “call to glory” (Romans 8:30).

– John Paul II, Theology of the Body

This feast of humanity points us toward the eternal feast of heaven. Eternal life has now been restored and redeemed through the Incarnation and Resurrection, our eternal Garden of Eden is even greater than it was in the beginning before the Fall because out of evil, God always brings a greater good than would otherwise have existed, even if we can’t see or understand how. Keep in mind, we have a very limited view in the scope of eternity.

The image of the human person in the beginning is a “call to glory“, as John Paul II writes. In the mutual giving and receiving of their person, body and soul, male and female, man becomes an image of the life-giving love of God. Because of this image we still bear, every human person is supremely dignified, and it is crucially important that we recognize and remember this dignity, both in ourselves and in others.

There’s no such thing as an ordinary person. You’ve never met a mere mortal. Aside from the Blessed Sacrament Itself, your neighbour is the holiest thing presented to your senses.

– C.S. Lewis

I believe this with my whole heart, even though that holy gift of another person can sometimes be very difficult to receive and live with. I once heard an analogy about this that I think is quite accurate… Sometimes the gift is wrapped in duct tape and it takes a little while to pull off, but it is there.

The gift of each human person is staggering.

Isn’t it true that when we heard someone’s story, we are much better able to understand their current circumstances or recent actions? This is why we have such a fascination and love for fictional villians with a history that tugs on the heartstrings. Even if we still know what they’ve done is evil, to hear their story is to understand the ‘how’ and ‘why’. Once we hear these stories, it shatters the boxes we’ve put people in, and makes us (hopefully) much less judgemental of their actions or beliefs. If we are to truly respect the ‘other’, we must search beyond the outer packaging, however appealing or unappealing it may be, to reach the gift within. As Pope Benedict XVI said in a homily in 2012, “If I am truly to communicate with another person I must know him, I must be able to be in silence close to him, to listen to him and look at him lovingly.” We could certainly use more of this in our world today.

Even before this though, we must recognize our own value and dignity. If we don’t understand our worth and the depth of God’s desire for our thriving, it will be difficult to extend that understanding to all people. We will be challenged to recognize another’s beauty if we cannot see our own.

The story of Genesis in the beginning, before the Fall, is a story primarily of LIFE, not death, and it reveals, in a whole myriad of ways, the radiant beauty of the human person – who we truly are as man, and Whose image we bear.

“Word” does not quite convey all the richness of the Greek Logos. “Logos” refers to the rational principle governing the universe—the ultimate meaning, reason, logic, and beauty behind everything. And the astound­ing claim upon which all of Christianity rests is that the human body is God’s chosen vehicle for communi­cating his Word, for communicating ultimate meaning, and for communicating who he is, who we are, and his final plan for the universe….For those with eyes to see, our bodies are not only biological; they’re theological—they reveal the logic of God; they reveal the ultimate meaning behind everything.

This is why St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, despite how it is typically framed, is not merely a papal teaching on marital love and human sexuality. It is that, to be sure, but it is also so much more. As John Paul II himself said, what we learn in his TOB “concerns the whole Bible” (TOB 69:8) and plunges us into “the perspective of the whole gospel, of the whole teach­ing, even more, of the whole mission of Christ” (TOB 49:3). Through the lens of spousal love, John Paul II’s Theology of the Body leads to “the rediscovery of the meaning of the whole of existence . . . the meaning of life” (TOB 46:6).

– Christopher West (COR blog #251)


[NOTE: This is the second in a 3 part series on love, life, and the body all grounded in St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. Please check back next week for part 3. Click here to read part 1.

(All emphasis added to quotations is my own.)